Down In A Rabbit Hole
by I'mTrueBlue
Summary: No it has nothing to do with Alice in wonderland sorry : . although that sounds pretty interesting hmmmmmmmmmm. anyway AU. College. Stalker in the making.
1. Oh those cancer sticks

I'm going to be late

I'm gonna be late

Fuck, I'm gonna be late.

I ran past a group of stoners who each cursed under their breaths as I pushed my way through them. The 100 pound books in my hands were starting to slip and I knew that if they followed that path I'd be a source of entertainment to 60 students for five minutes. Luckily I reached the door without having to cry about my books falling until class ended. I was usually very over dramatic. I'd change my major to drama if I didn't sweat buckets every time I stood on a stage.

As I walked into class I already knew what was coming. Students already began staring at me with a quiet grin on each and every one of their faces. I looked over at the professor who seemed to be reading something out of a very interesting book. He looked at me and then squinted almost as if I really wasn't there which I was used to. Not a lot of people actually noticed me. I pushed my glasses back and tried to ready myself for what was about to come.

"Spencer, correct?"

I nodded in astonishment and pushed my glasses back once again.

"Take a seat." He gestured to the class and then continued reading.

As I walked towards the back everyone just stared at me in disbelief. Professor Blent never missed an opportunity to scorch a student with his words of wisdom on how lateness was an early symptom in the severe disease that is failure.

I listened to his lecture intently. The ounce of pity he handed me this fine morning still circling around my brain as though I had nothing else to think about. I really didn't have anything else to think about which is sad, but true well except for the stranger. I've always kept to myself even in high school and I guess it just followed me here.

As his discussion began to center around Immanuel Kant and his theories, my mind decided to stop belonging to me. I looked around the class and noticed one sad couple passing a note to each other. Now I know I may be ostracized from society, but I do know that text messaging exists and using notes was over about ten years ago. After he read what she had written back to him, his hands fell in his head and he looked as though a swarm of tears were about to invade his eyes. She only looked down at her lap and then back at him with a red puffy face.

Someone's pregnant.

As soon as class ended students began filling up the sitting area outside of the building. Some faces were happy, some weren't. Everyone just looked the same to me happy mad or sad in the end they were all just the same except for her. I sat by the tree as I usually did and stared right at her as I was hidden in the shade. Nature was usually on my side. Her brown curls covered her angelic features as she pulled a cigarette to her lips and light it up with ease. Camel Golds. That's what she smoked. I wondered why she enjoyed those and then thought about how she liked things smooth. Not just the toxic smoke running through her lungs, but her life as well. She seemed at peace as she sucked on her death. I looked up the definition for stalker and was pleased when I found out I wasn't anything like what a stalker is. I just watched her from afar and knew what type of cigarettes she smoked. I didn't know where she lived, who her friends were, or even her name.

"Hey Spence." A tall figure stood before me blocking my view of the beautiful leather jacket wearing cigarette smoking stanger. It seems so 1950s really. I wonder if she has a motorcycle and slicks back her hair with the occasional thumbs up that always wins the ladies, or boys over.

"Spencer?"

Right this is Aiden. Possibly the hottest human being that ever acknowledged my existence. I helped him with a test once randomly and ever since then we've sort of just hit it off.

"Hey sorry. How was your day?"

He took a seat next to me and I proceeded to stare at the beautiful girl taking in the last couple of drags on her cigarette. As soon as she finished it she pulled out another one. That was very unlike her. She liked her life smooth and this just totally messed it up. Something has to be wrong.

"It was alright. I'm glad it's Friday though. How about you?" He noticed who my eyes were fixated on and then sighed.

"Eh same old same old. Blent didn't bitch at me for being late though which was odd." I decided to stop my gawking and turn to the messy haired boy.

"Weird. So I'm playing drums with Hunters band tonight and I was hoping you'd come since you never leave that shitty dorm room even during fire drills."

I laughed and then thought about what the stranger did today. How she changed up her entire routine with just that one cigarette.

"I'll go."

"What!?"

In my four months of knowing Aiden I'd never seen him on weekends or even outside of this area or my dorm room. I know it's sad, but I like it that way. Today was different though. Stranger said it with that stick dying out in her fingers.

"Yeah I don't really have any tests to study for this weekend so why not?"

He hugged me and then gave me that orbit lady smile of his. "Alright I'll pick you up at 8. You better not bail!" He ruffled my hair and left me alone. My eyes looking back over at her and that emotionless face.

Oh no.

Oh god no.

Nature had finally decided to throw me out and now eyes were staring right back at me as neither the tree nor the shade hid my blue eyes. Her eyes turned curious and mine were stuck like glue. I couldn't look away even if I wanted to because I had lost complete control over anything that was happening right this moment. Then she decided I was nothing more than an on looker. Someone with nothing better to do than stare at a grungy looking boot wearing girl. Ugh she probably thought I was in some bible club or something. I looked down at my clothes and then frowned. When I looked back up she was gone along with my heart which she had taken since day one. I collected my things and walked back to my room in both misery and sheer happiness. I didn't know if I should be sad that she finally saw me or happy that she finally saw me.

A quick nap would help my mind break away from its internal battle over this stranger.

At least now I had a new hottest person to ever acknowledge my existence. Unless she didn't notice I was there and was admiring the tree. Hmm back to my nap.


	2. You're insane

So here I am like a dying animal that's lost its skin. My clothes came from I don't know where and I can finally see my curves rather than a thin body hidden by a large amount of oversized clothes. I hear a knock on my door and immediately know its Aiden because he's the only one who's ever been in here besides me. I must sound very, very pathetic.

When I opened the door his eyes went wide. "Spencer. I think I'm actually attracted to you right now." His eyes scanned my body and I punched his arm with all the force I had only to be hurt in the process. He seemed unfazed and we silently walked to his car. I think he was blushing which just created unnecessary tension.

As soon as we got to the place with the music and what not I felt out of place. Hell I felt out of place when I gave myself a once over in the mirror. There were tons of guys and girls outside smoking cigarettes and eating each other's faces off. Before I knew it Aiden had opened my door and gave me a reassuring smile. I followed him inside and he was instantly greeted by everyone. After a few introductions I was led to the bar where I was actually offered alcohol without getting carded, but I went for a coke. The bartender just looked at me with a bemused look on her face.

"Coke and jack maybe?"

"Coke and who? I don't really know a Jack…" Now it was my turn to give her the same look she was giving me. After a laugh I felt as though I was the only alien in a government organization.

"Alright coke it is. On me." She winked and gave me my drink. I smiled and sipped it quietly. This tasted quite odd for a coke. I just continued drinking it. A place like this wouldn't be able to afford actual coke anyway.

"Spence I'm almost up." Aiden went behind me and hugged me by the waist. I was quite shocked and had the sudden urge to punch him in the throat, but I didn't want to be stuck here with no ride home.

"Right. Good luck." I turned and hugged him as friendly as possible. He looked at me oddly, but made his way to the stage as the band before his stepped off.

After two more of those cokes I was just really out of it. It felt like my alien spaceship decided to be nice and pick me up from that government organization, but my body was somehow still floating in the air. People were dancing and Aiden was playing rather well as his drumming sounded better than any other instrument on stage.

Bladder. Right.

After noticing the line to the girls bathroom I quickly ran back over to the bartender from before.

"Hey. bathroom unavailable. In need of pee place now." I pointed down at my crotch and she only laughed.

"Go to the place across the street. Tell them Madison sent you."

Right. Madison. I said a quick thank you and ran out, only to be sent flying to the door as a body was pushed into mine. I felt my arm tingle as sweat dripped down onto my leg. If my bladder wasn't about to burst at this point. I would run to the nearest store and buy a bucket of hand sanitizer.

The bar I had entered wasn't really busy, but everyone seemed happy and like a regular. Unlike the other place this one had a guitarist playing just really mellow instrumentals.

"Hey woah." A man put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me with worry. "I.D"?

Shit. What was that girls name…

Michelle? No. Micheal? Ugh that's a boy's name. Well hey look at me…

"Mad-Madison sent me. Bathroom. Please."

"Oh." He laughed. Why does everyone laugh at me? "Go right ahead sweetie."

Finally. I walked out the happiest I had been in weeks even though it was not becoming quite a mission to keep from falling on the ground. I looked over across the street and noticed how rowdy it was getting. Maybe I'd just go back in later.

I walked for a while until I spotted a bench near another small bar. Things were beginning to get quiet until a familiar smell had hit my nose. It was the Camels. The gold ones. After finding out what kind she smoked I had bought two packs and completely scarfed them down so I pretty much branded the smell in my nose.

And there it was. Life doing what it always does to those who happen to outside the box in movies. From what I've seen this is where I walk over to her and lay in the grass right beside her. I'm not that much of an actor though seeing as I sweat uncontrollably on stage. Then it happened again. Nature turning its back on me and the universe joining in for a laugh.

Her eyes met mine and the air around us seemed to have stood still. The cigarette lay unlit between her perfect quaint lips.

"Listen. If you're following me, stop. It's kind of creepy." She put her head back down and took out a lighter.

My god was her voice amazing. So smooth just like those damned cigarettes.

I walked over. I knew that wasn't coke. It had to be one of those martini things or something that mom drinks because I was just completely out of my body for those 10 seconds it took me to get near her.

She looked back at me and I felt the air stand on its toes once again.

"Measuring a summer's day, I only finds it slips away to grey, the hours, they bring me pain." She took a drag and looked at the nothing before us.

Wow talk about first impression. I've never encountered a sadist.

"Well that was really sad, but it's not summer so I'm hoping this is a past experience for you."

She looked at me in disbelief. "What the fuck are you talking about. That was led zeppelin."

"I'm s-sure what ever drug your own wouldn't make you say something so sad." Crap I hope she wasn't on coke. My brother used to do that stuff and by the look in her eyes I can tell she isn't quite sober. I sit down after realizing I wasn't so sober either.

She laughed and then put out her cigarette. "Led Zeppelin is a band. One of the most famous bands in the history of classical rock. That line was from a song called tangerine."

I'm so stupid.

"I'm sorry. I don't really listen to music much. I'm not patient enough for it."

She laughed once again. I've noticed laughing has become quite contagious in modern American society.

"Patience doesn't exist with music."

"What?"

She stood up now and I hugged my knees nervously.

"MUSIC!" She screamed as though she was trying to get the whole world to hear. "Sets you free. It creates this intense world with just you in it where patience, impatience, and everything else just doesn't exist." She sat back down and took out a small white bag.

"Want some?" She offered as she held a small key to her nose and inhaled on both sides of her nose.

"No thanks. Maybe I should go." I stood up even though the world was pushing itself on me.

"No you stay." She pulled me down and put another cigarette in between her lips. The look in her eyes frightened me. If I left then the world pushing itself on me would just crash and break her small figure.

"I feel like this world was only meant to hold a tiny part of me. It's like it can hold all of me because it would just explode and everyone would die."

"Well someone has quite the ego." I tried to smile at her and she only returned a frown.

"I know. It's my downfall really. I am my own downfall. Isn't that just crazy really. The destruction of you is yourself."

Honestly as freaked out as I should have been. I was very happy and my ears just couldn't stop taking in all of the brunettes words that is until I realized Aiden was probably going insane looking for me.

"Shit. Aiden I have to go. It was nice meeting you though." She stood up when I did and took out her hand. I pulled mine out and she took it gently.

"It was a pleasure meeting you blue eyed one. I probably won't remember you, but oh I wish I could." As she said this, a small group of girls were walking towards us laughing and the brunette just jumped right in the group with ease. I looked back and then at my feet which I could no longer feel from all of the quivering. My shirt was also drenched in sweat. I wasn't even on a stage and this girl made me sweat like I'd ran 30 miles.


	3. Just a Tree

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. This is a rather small chapter and I'm sorry for that but it's meant to be a filler. Enjoy.**

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So here I am in bed on a Sunday afternoon with nothing to do except wait for tomorrow. Friday night was still very fresh in my mind. I bet I could even write the entire conversation with her on paper on not miss a word which was odd because they say the more you remember the more you forget. Maybe I was forgetting and not noticing. Whatever it was I didn't want to think about it at the moment. I had gotten back just in time for the bands last song and Aiden jumped off stage to only pull me into a very strange embrace. All I understood was thank you for watching the entire thing and right then my body dripped with guilt instead of sweat, but I refused to let him know what had happened tonight. That little piece in my existence was just between me her and the stars. Nothing else.

I decided that yesterday I'd venture out and buy a radio, which also came with a CD player to my luck. I was scared about turning it on yesterday, but since there really wasn't anything to do at the moment why not. After a bunch of scary static I could finally hear a voice loud and clear. I figured if I could enlighten myself with music I could win that brunette bombshell over and be happy for once.

A gentle voice began filling my room. "Little did I know that you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles and my daddy said stay away from Juliet. And I was crying on the staircase begging you please don't go! And I said Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting all that's left to do is run you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess it's a love story baby just say yes!"

I decided to write some lines down and memorize them. I even managed to get the song name and the artist as well. Taylor Swift by Love Story. That's such an odd name for a song… Taylor swift… hmm.

The song had given me a headache so I decided to knock back some Tylenol PM and let that familiar feeling take over my body as I drifted off to sleep until the very next day.

"So did you really like the show? I thought you left because I didn't see you for a while so I got worried you didn't like it that much." The tall boy put his right hand on his neck. Why is he rambling like this?

Just eat your apple Spencer. Gives you time to come up with a lie.

"Yeah… I stayed for the entire thing, but I found a spot to sit so that's why you probably didn't see me."

He smiled at me and then we both just stared at each other for a while. It was a very weird yet calming moment as our minds probably drifted away from one another.

"Well Aid I didn't know you had a girlfriend."

That voice.

I looked up and there was that coke giving bartender who drugged me up.

"Madison. This is Spencer." He pointed at me, but she was already staring.

"We've met." I gave her my best angry stare only to have her laugh at me once again.

"So I'm guessing you didn't really like meeting Jack ay?"

Aiden just stared at us confused while I hugged my chest trying not to stare into the brown orbs digging holes in my face.

"Guess not. Well." She turned her attention back to Aiden who was too stupid to function right now. "You were the best part of that show on Friday. I swear if you weren't drumming for them the bar would have been empty."

As they continued talking my trained eyes found that person occupying the space between my ears every waking and non waking second. Call it obsessive I call it poetry.

Oh no. She's walking over here. She couldn't have remembered me. No way.

"Ashley!"

What. I turned to face the girl that drugged me as the brunette made her way to the girl with ease in every step. As if worries didn't exist in her world, just cigarettes and music.

"I need cigarettes."

"Right. You always need them."

"Sup Aiden."

WHAT!?!? They know each other! And her name is_ Ashley_. Such a beautiful name. I didn't expect less.

After a while I noticed I was just a ghost watching their conversation and _Ashley_ hadn't even noticed me, which was fine since now I can let her name roll right off my tongue.

"So I'm gonna go get some cigarettes. Later." She hugged Aiden and Madison good bye.

Then that's when it happened. Her eyes made their way to mine and I felt in that one second that she would realize who I was and grab me to the closest store which held her heavy addiction. I saw stars, which only ended up turning to dust and she walked right past me without a single word.

"Sorry about that. My cousin is oblivious to everything. She probably thought you were a tree or something." I smiled and nodded while Aiden louder than usual. I just turned and watch as she walked farther and farther away from me.

"So Aiden I'm doing a bon fire tomorrow night. Feel free to bring Spencer along." After a wink she walked away, but not before turning back around and rubbing her accomplishment in my face again. "Oh and Spencer! Jack will be there and since I already introduced you guys I hope you get to know him more."

That brought out a little smile in me. I got invited to something that Ashley might take part in. That all equals me being less than 5 ft away from her again. Oh man am I happy.

"So this Jack guy. Do you like him or something?"

I sighed. Because that was just a stupid question and I was too happy to speak.

Then I asked something I never pictured myself asking in my life. "So are we going to the thing she invited us to?" I Spencer Carlin wanted to go to a college social event without even being tortured to say yes to.

He smiled and nodded while following me to my next class. Sometimes it felt like her saw me as more than a nerdy thing walking around campus. Honestly I didn't like it.

_Ashley_. Hmm I want to say it out loud already.


End file.
